Our German drunkards are coarse, noisy, and obtrusive ; intoxication maltcs an Italian or a Spaniard gloomy and revengeful, and an Englishman brutal ; , but the Russians, the more the pity, in the highest degree humorous and cheerful : the more the pity, I say, because if the consequences of the evil sliowed themselves more offensively, the evil itself would be more energetically combated. In the first stage of dnmkcnness the Russians begin to gossip and tell stories, sing and fall into each other's anus ; at a more advanced stage even enemies embrace, abjuring all hostility amidst a thousand protestations of eternal friendship ; then all strangers present are most cordially greeted, kissed and caressed, let them be of what age or rank they may. It is all " little father,'' " little mother," " little brother," " little grandmother,"' and if their friendliness be not returned with a like warmth, then it is " Ah, little father, you are not angry that we are tipsy ? Ah, it's very true, we're all tipsy together ! Ah, it is abominable ! Pray forgive us — punish us — beat us." Then ensue new caresses ; they embrace your knees, kiss your feet, and entreat you to forgive their obtrusiveness. Other nations, whose whole moral strength lies in their cultivated reason, show themselves dangerous when the abuse of spirituous liquors frees their passions from this restraint. But the Russian, whose reason is little cultivated, and who, when he is good is so from innate kindliness of feeHng, cannot be so degraded by drink. He shows himself what he is — a child much in want of guidance. It is curious enough, however, that even in drunkenness a Russian's native cunning never forsakes him ; it is very difficult to move him, be he ever so drunk, to any baseness not to liis advantage. The deeper a Russian drinks the more does the whole world appear to him couleur de rose, till at last his raptures break forth in a stream of song ; and, stretched upon his sledge, talking to himself and all good spirits, he returns at length to his own home, whither his wiser horse has fomid his way unguided.
The inferiority of the Russians to the West Europeans is freely admitted by them. If their productions are found fault with, they will often say in excuse, " Ah, sir, it's only Russian work. I made it myself ; how should it be better ? The Germans, we know, understand every thing better." " Prostaya rabota" (common work) is not only an expression in use among foreigners for Russian work, but one heard frequently from the natives themselves. I once asked a dealer in toys and baskets where he got his wares. " The toys," said he, " are German work, the baskets common" (i. e. Russian). The Russian word for common (prostoi) is regularly adopted by the German-Russians in this sense. In speaking apologetically to a friend they will say, " You will find nothing very elegant in my household arrangements ; it is all very prostoi."" " We are great rogues," the Russians will often add ; " each tries to outwit the other as much as he can ; and I must tell you frankly to be on your guard with me." They make the frankest revelations with respect to themselves, so that one feels inchned to hold them free from fault, even while they are confessing that they share the failings of their country. " Ah, we Russians are indolent — we cheat wherever we can — our priests permit the most outrageous rogi_iery to go unreproved — our people in authority are the most corrupt in the world ; we are only active when there is money to be gained ; nobler objects, knowledge and science, have no attractions for us, though we may be forced to attain them. We do notliing well or thoroughly, and are sunk in unequalled sensuality."
This very openness it is that so often misleads a stranger ; he knows not what to think of them. " What is the price of those plums ?" Two rubles, sir ; they are excellent, real French." " Ah, you Russian rogue — they French !" " Yes, yes, I say real French. Of course, as I am a Russian, it must be a he. Oh, the Russians are rogues, sir, that all the world Icnows. The French and Germans never cheat — they are all honest people, and have only good things ! Well, I advise you not to buy my plums. I say they are French, but they are no such thing. See, we Russians lie and cheat wherever we can ; we have no conscience at all, and, as the Poles say, ' he must be a cunning fellow who outwits a Russian.' And the Poles are right, sir. Do buy something of me, sir, and I will wager what you like you don't go uncheated out of my sliop. Ha, ha, ha, ha I the Russian rogues I He who is not cheated by a Russian must be a cunning fellow."